In My World

My dear friend, and future roommate, Henessey wrote this up at the WSUP. If you didn’t already guess, WSUP is our local radio station that I work at. Without delay, I give you the inner workings of a messed up friend.

Rock, Rubber, Scissors

Instead of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” it should be “Rock, Rubber, Scissors” because rock can break scissors and scissors can cut paper BUT paper could not destroy the rock. If it was “Rock, Rubber, Scissors” you could cut rubber with scissors and you could destroy the rock if you used the rubber, like to slingshot and fling the rock into a hard surface which could shatter the rock into pieces. (side note: That’s a run-on sentence, Henessey.) So “ROCK, RUBBER, SCISSORS” BIAOTCH!

OK, OK, Rock, Rubber, Scissors it is… But what do you use for a hand symbol for rubber? - Syffy

I believe the paper symbol could work for rubber. If you don’t think that then feck you! - Henessey

Only, but we need to add something… I’ll only agree if we can add a “Bring!” sound effect -Syffy

No way will this ever work. Small pairs of scissors (I.E. ones the size of a hand) are unable to cut rubber that is the thickness of a hand. So the whole premise of the game is thrown off. Let’s not try to fix things that aren’t broken, shall we? -Anon

As you can see, other people started to reply to his thoughts. I am currently pondering this thought myself. However, I do not think rubber should be the replacement for paper. I do, however, agree that paper isn’t the right object for the game.

What do you think?

ARLINGTON, Kentucky - Thirteen-year-old Johnny Hamilton (pictured above) has become the next move in the RIAA’s plan of ending “Internet piracy”. The RIAA has used Johnny as their prime example of noncompliance by pushing the courts to sentence him to the death penalty.

The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) felt it was necessary to make an example out of Johnny. “He may be extremely underage for the death penalty, but we need people like Johnny out there to know we are serious about music piracy,” said Allen Fallsworth, spokesperson to the RIAA.

Court adjourned on Friday, sentencing the thirteenÔøΩyearÔøΩold to death. After being questioned about the unconstitutional ruling, Judge Michael Petton told reporters, “I agreed with the points the RIAA made, but [I] ruled out of my own judgment. In no way was I bribed or swayed by the RIAA.” He then left the reporters, getting into his new 2006 Rolls-Royce Phantom with the license plate reading “RIAA MAN”.

Demonstrators flocked outside the courtroom after the verdict, to protest the unconstitutionality of everything the RIAA was doing. “This is against everything the Constitution stands for, it infringes upon our rights,” said one local protester, Laura Jackson. Later, upon hearing this quotation, Mr. Fallsworth stated, “What we do is legal; nowhere does it say in the constitution that we can not look at something in a person’s home without legal papers. This whole ‘infringing upon rights’ is a thin argument. I mean, it’s called the constitution; it’s not some sort of bill of rights.”

Johnny Hamilton lived out on a farm in Arlington, Kentucky. Last week, his parents got him his first computer and he began surfing the web. Being in an isolated part of town, he was curious about the music he heard his friends at school talk about. Using a program called Kazaa, he downloaded a single from Metallica. Big mistake.

An RIAA officer, watching the transfer connections, noticed Johnny’s download and placed him on “Critical Pirate Alert”, watching his network activity closely. Before Johnny was even able to download his second song, police were already at his house, ready to take the pirate down.

Cops rushed Johnny down to the courthouse where the RIAA pushed for the trial that day. After hearing a testament from a sock puppet, the judge closed the trial and sentenced Johnny to the death penalty, which happened the next day.

At the execution, all formalities were suspended. Metallica was there and instead of electrocuting Johnny, or giving him a lethal injection, they were allowed to hit the thirteen year old until he died.

“It may seem brutal, but he was making the band lose money from the $50 million we had left in the bank,” said Lars Ulrich, band member of Metallica.

In the end of 2002, RIAA started threatening a program called Napster for allowing for free trade of music files, stating that bands were losing profits from CD sales. When asked why the sudden fight for something that had been going on for years, the RIAA responded, “We felt it was time to fight for the helpless bands out thereÔøΩ besides, we needed a way to become known and needed sponsors.”

Napster later refuted that “it helped beginning bands become known”. The Indie-Rock band, Miles From Nowhere, told reporters, “Napster helped us get known by people. Bands who says it hurts them don’t care about the music, and are worried about money that they already have enough of.” When later contacted for a followÔøΩup interview, the band gave no answer, as all of its members had been suddenly and mysteriously murdered.

No word on whether Johnny’s parents are going to sue the RIAA, or even if they still exist.

Alright, now I have too many comments. I hadn’t checked out this site for a long time and I log in today and see this.

I have uploaded a few noteable movies (none by me) and they became a little too popular.

• Urban Ninja
• Flying Monkey
• Monkey Magic
• Muhammad Ali gives Bush the crazy sign
• … And a lot more

PLATTEVILLE, Wisconsin (PSN) — A Midwestern university student has recently been dismissed for a picture portraying a well known hand gesture.

Local officials told PSN reporter, Mitch Rightly, that an undisclosed university student was well known for being rowdy. After an anonymous tip that there were secret parties being held all over town, University Police checked their reliable source FaceBook (Facebook.com) for more information. On the students account they found the above picture.

Outraged about the filth portrayed in the image, University Chief of Police, John Rondelzy, sent two police vehicles to the place of residence of the student. He was held for 72 hours then released.

Yesterday school administration voted 52 to 3 to dismiss the student. University administration denied to comment on the situation. At this time, AKN does not know the whereabouts of the student or if he plans to take this to court.

• Play Water Polo
• Bring in your boombox and play, “It’s Raining Men” by Geri Halliwell
• Wait til the bathroom is full enough then ask someone to hold your “member” for you. If they refuse, ask another person. Keep doing so til someone obliges to do so, or you run out of people.
• Bring your books, a note book, etc (homework), and sit right on the floor next to a stall and start doing your homework. If no one is in the restroom, sit next to the door and wait for people.
• Wait really close to the door, once someone tries to enter, tell them it’s full. Keep a watch of the time they wait. Right when they walk away, leave. (Optional: While the person is waiting, make loud moaning noises.)
• This only works if there is more than one urinal. Wait behind someone that is using the urinal (there must be more open). While they wait, start emptying water, any liquid actually, from the inside of your pants. Once the person leave, leave with them.
• Sit in the corner with a bunch of papers that were crumbled up and cry, while rocking back and forth. Trust me, no one wants to see that, or actually hear crying, while they are in there.
• Ask people’s names, over and over.

I remember back in the day, 4th to 6th grade, when everyone would huddle around the computer and we would play Oregon Trail. After some random find, I found an emulator for the Apple II (the computer required to play the first Oregon Trail). We gave it a quick spin and took some shots for laughs. Enjoy.

You can view the whole set of shots here at my [Oregon Trail Set].

After some time, I am finally releasing my new template for my blog and personal site. What do you think? You will notice they both look the same. I worked hard to make them look the same, but the personal site is static, but the blog isn’t. Comments are welcome. If you find a bug, tell me so. I hope to have all my information on the main site up. Other than that, stick around, snoop around, try to break stuff. Be sure to come back.

My friends Jess and Brett are one of the few people I can say that have their own sense of style. They do their own thing. Plus, I just love this picture.

Warning: Everything you read here is part of a joke. If you’re offended by this, I am sorry.

• Heather F.

  Heather will grow up (we’re still waiting for her to grow up) and marry a long haired knight named James N. (N. is short for Ni!) They will move to a small village, where they will have a litter of small elvish kids, all with very, very long hair. Heather N. and James F. (yes, they trade last names) will throw festivals for people of their kind. I will not go on about this, because in 5 years, the government will be investigating this “community”.

• James N.

  James N, aka “The long haired knight who said Ni!” or TLHKWSN for short, was killed in an engineering fight over what brand of wire was best. To everyone’s surprise, Heather F., later known for marrying an imaginary husband, takes over James’ last name and raises many children; none of them which are hers.

• Joe G.

  Joe G. finally is in his senior year of college. He plays only one instrument, after the incident with his hair. He, as most know him now for, runs a small independent business producing things that people do not need. Surprisingly, it is very successful. Joe has payed off all his college tuition, and is getting engaged this summer.

• Dan K.

  No one would have guessed it, but Dan becomes religious. But for what reason you may ask? He became Mormon. As his close friend, everyone asked me why he did such a thing. Easy answer. More wives. He plays in a small band that has been “on the rise”, as he puts it, for over 6 years now. They play for birthday parties, local bars, and under-budgeted schools for basically food or beer. No one would have guessed it, but Dan plays the drums, with one arm. Why one arm? He lost it in the Ska-Metal battle of 2007!

• Brett A.

  He married an anime character, which he invented and brought to real life. It was the first of its kind. He was working on a patent for this amazing machine when his wife destroyed it with a note left in the rubble. “Now I don’t have to worry about competition.” Deep, huh? Now Brett travels the nation giving speeches about what it’s like married to an anime character.

• Daryl F.

  I visited Daryl the other weekend. He lives in Spain with his supermodel wife and 3 kids. Daryl is a professor at the local college teaching Radio and Journalism. One student was quoted to say to me, “Mr. F. only shows up on Wednesdays after lunch, but his class is still the best.”

• Jessica S.

  While writing her fifth book, Jess finally meets up with HIM. After their brief, but surely very romantic fling, Ville Hermanni Valo and Jessica S. break up. Sadly, she is pregnate with HIS child. From what I last heard from her, she’s in Paris, finishing up a movie deal about her life. Oh, did I tell you that she adopted 3 kids. Yes, to most of her friends’ surprise, her opinion about children changed drastically. There were article about “anonymous” donations to build children rescue shelters and homes that were linked to her. No one knows for sure. She doesn’t call me anymore though.

I sometimes have problems understanding what certain phrases mean. Not a old phrase such as “Three may keep a Secret, if two of them are dead”. Recently, the phrase

The late [person's name] … etc.

has been bothering me. I understand what it means, and I know why people use this phrase, but where did this come from? When did it all start? Let’s see who can fill me in.