Warning: Everything you read here is part of a joke. If you’re offended by this, I am sorry.
Heather will grow up (we’re still waiting for her to grow up) and marry a long haired knight named James N. (N. is short for Ni!) They will move to a small village, where they will have a litter of small elvish kids, all with very, very long hair. Heather N. and James F. (yes, they trade last names) will throw festivals for people of their kind. I will not go on about this, because in 5 years, the government will be investigating this “community”.
James N, aka “The long haired knight who said Ni!” or TLHKWSN for short, was killed in an engineering fight over what brand of wire was best. To everyone’s surprise, Heather F., later known for marrying an imaginary husband, takes over James’ last name and raises many children; none of them which are hers.
Joe G. finally is in his senior year of college. He plays only one instrument, after the incident with his hair. He, as most know him now for, runs a small independent business producing things that people do not need. Surprisingly, it is very successful. Joe has payed off all his college tuition, and is getting engaged this summer.
No one would have guessed it, but Dan becomes religious. But for what reason you may ask? He became Mormon. As his close friend, everyone asked me why he did such a thing. Easy answer. More wives. He plays in a small band that has been “on the rise”, as he puts it, for over 6 years now. They play for birthday parties, local bars, and under-budgeted schools for basically food or beer. No one would have guessed it, but Dan plays the drums, with one arm. Why one arm? He lost it in the Ska-Metal battle of 2007!
He married an anime character, which he invented and brought to real life. It was the first of its kind. He was working on a patent for this amazing machine when his wife destroyed it with a note left in the rubble. “Now I don’t have to worry about competition.” Deep, huh? Now Brett travels the nation giving speeches about what it’s like married to an anime character.
I visited Daryl the other weekend. He lives in Spain with his supermodel wife and 3 kids. Daryl is a professor at the local college teaching Radio and Journalism. One student was quoted to say to me, “Mr. F. only shows up on Wednesdays after lunch, but his class is still the best.”
While writing her fifth book, Jess finally meets up with HIM. After their brief, but surely very romantic fling, Ville Hermanni Valo and Jessica S. break up. Sadly, she is pregnate with HIS child. From what I last heard from her, she’s in Paris, finishing up a movie deal about her life. Oh, did I tell you that she adopted 3 kids. Yes, to most of her friends’ surprise, her opinion about children changed drastically. There were article about “anonymous” donations to build children rescue shelters and homes that were linked to her. No one knows for sure. She doesn’t call me anymore though.
For once in our life-time, Goat got it right. Look out Spain, the Trojan is about the run with the Bulls!
*Wail* But why did we break up? WHYYYYYY?